*Author’s foreward: Please note that this practice can be utilized by same sex and differing sexed partners alike. I have honed the article to speak to a heterosexual context as that is my proclivity and what I understand. For those of homosexual and other sexual diversity, the practice remains the same, aside from the heterosexual healing aspects I have included in terms of healing relations between men and women as is my prejudice. The healing aspects to couples of other proclivities are analogously powerful and I look forward to knowing more about their potentiality and actuality. I have intentionally not written the article along gender neutral terms because my own experience with this practice in regards to rectifying my own heterosexual healing is integral to my expression. While I know this makes the article exclusive, I hope that this may catalyze other writers of other sexual proclivities to write of their own experiences as they would better understand the contextual healing and needs than I. I hope that there is something in this for all to appreciate. May we all be uplifted by a deeper practice of sexuality in sacredness.
Every desire of your body is holy;
Every desire of your body is
“There is no big mystery to Tantra. It is in the allowance and grace of the breath. Breathe easy and naturally and you will open the door to a sacred intent. With this sacred intent, love making becomes spiritual and holy. You open the gateway to total joy and you embrace the divine, erotic impulse. So breathe… and relax. This is tantra.”
Yoni is ancient Sanskrit for vagina and the yoni massage is one of the hallmarks of a sacred sexual practice and can be one of the most beautiful experiences to undertake. It is also a great starting point for the practice of aiming sexuality toward sacredness because it helps alleviate significant tension in women, opening them to be able to channel and embody much more ecstatic energy, which is the name of the sacred sex game. The arc of sacred sexuality is about using the sexual arousing force to heal blocks in our bodies (both physical and energetic). This requires appropriate training to be able to expand the sexual energy, flow with it and to avoid tendencies toward copious genital orgasm which can cause this energy to leak prematurely. Genital orgasm is not wrong in and of itself but for those embarking on an evolution of their sex lives, we need to become more skillful in how we use the vital energies within and around us. We need to aspire to be cultivators of more robust energetic states not only for the healing potential in their utility but to also revel in our potentials to be more immense sources of universal power. In this sense, growing sexual pleasure toward ecstasy can be a revelatious experience of our spiritual selfhood. Spirituality is a path of mastery and one of great joy to engage in for we open ourselves to an adventure of ceaseless transformation and wily evolutionary potential.
There is, of course, a counterpart lingam massage which can be adapted by readers from the techniques to be described with only a few differences in illuminating the properties of male genitalia. I will elucidate such in a further writing. My intention is to introduce the yoni massage foremost for many reasons. For one, for heterosexual men who are intimately partnered with a woman, this can be a great way for them to begin to open themselves to the cooling energy of a more devotional sex life. Many men are over-cooked by addictions to masturbation, porn and the like and the yoni massage will give them an opportunity to deepen the superficialities that come with such behaviours, opening them to a captivating beauty unfolding not only in their female partner but in the spirit of the offering which will help them sublimate the raw, heated sexual power toward loftier aims. Moreover (and perhaps a personal prejudice), I believe karmically that women have suffered much at the hands of men and the patriarchal order and this is a great offering to revolt that destructive cycle in the other direction toward dharmic creativity. In short, the yoni massage can be a way for men to stand in rebellion against patriarchy that has objectified female bodies and sexuality, leading to all kinds of travesty. This offering will serve as an anthem for men who wish to reverse the pain done unto women for thousands of years. It will also help women to blossom forth the divine love loaded in their heart, which requires most adept patience and love to unfold in loving trust. When such love begins to pour from a women’s heart unto a man, man will know one of the truest and most wondrous blessings this mortal existence can afford. Ultimately, the appreciation that women will bestow unto men from this practice will rejuvenate him in profound ways, encouraging him to fall deeper into a love of love.
For those just beginning to take on a more sacred practice of sexuality, context can be helpful to create a mood or even a ritualized space that will help inspire the loving affection needed in this instance. Candles, incense, even flowers and moving music are all exquisite ingredients to bring to the mix. Take the time to set up the bedroom or space where you will be practicing to honour that something different and special is being undertaken.
The yoni massage need not begin with partners fully unclothed. If it is helpful, leave clothes on to begin. The massage can evolve in stages over many encounters, beginning with a initial clothes-on sessions before partners feel comfortable enough to be fully nude. This is helpful for those early in coupling and for women who have suffered sexual abuse and have anxiety around their yoni. On this note, let me share a personal anecdote that I believe will be helpful.
For years, I was actually not turned on by the sight of the yoni. I believe this was for many reasons, such as simply being in subconscious awe of its power but also because of pornography I witnessed as an adolescence which depicted sex and the nude body not in loving acts but in a state of mere lust between two people who were really just performing for money. This actually developed into a bit of an anxiety complex I had that made me even question my sexual proclivity. However, years later, in a loving partnership where I engaged the yoni and the intimacy of oral pleasure through a new found sacred gaze, it all shifted. I became aware of the deeper power and beauty of the yoni as not only gate to the creatrix womb but as a flower of divine pleasurable energy for my self to enjoy and, of course, women. For any suffering from such anxieties, the yoni massage is an initiation into knowing and appreciating the yoni in an entirely different and beautiful way. For women who already suffer such image complexes due to the wiles of body imaging dissiminated by distorted patriarchal social norms, this is a tremendous healing to experience. It can literally change lives.
“Its time we saw sex as the truly sacred art that it is. A deep meditation, a holy communion and a dance with the force of creation.”
~ Marcus Allen
Devotion is really the name of the game for not only this but all spiritual practices. Thus, it is a good idea to begin any sexual encounter with a meditation and prayer to one another, setting an intent to utilize sexual energy for a more evolved circumstance rather than mere physical pleasure and orgasm; to expand it, cherish it, and honour it as one of the most holy feelings we can embody as human beings. The prayer and meditation can be simple or ritualized as something more dynamic, it’s totally up to the couple. A simple meditation would involve sitting face to face with perhaps a candle between you, closing your eyes and spending five minutes imagining a strand of light from one heart to the other to attune both in the energy of love. A simple bow following with the yogic greeting of namaste (even speaking the english translation—‘the divine in me sees the divine in you’) will initiate respect and a devotional quality to your sexual practice.
For the massage, oil is integral when practiced in the nude. Almond oil is amazing and there’s many options for alternatives. The man sits in between the woman’s legs. Allow the woman to get comfortable with pillows and whatever she needs. The only job of the woman in the practice is to continually deepen her relaxation via the breath and body awareness. As the swelling sensations grow, it is her job to optimize the practice by breathing down the front of her body, all the way down to her yoni and imagine on the exhale spreading that energy throughout her body, pulling it up especially to her heart from time to time. The man can further the devotional spirit by offering another bow to the yoni itself, even placing a loving hand or two over it, imagining transmitting energy into of love and caring. An intention can be repeated here outloud or to oneself to serve the sacred pleasure of this woman, this beloved, in utmost.
The man should start where all sacred sexual practice starts: by massaging and touching softly and tenderly the positive pole of the female energy which is her breasts and heart. It is a wonder of sacred sex that men come to know that the energetic phallus if you will of woman is in fact her heart and breasts! Concurrently, the negative pole for men is his own heart. In the deep throes of sacred sex, men can feel penetrated by the mighty love of a woman’s heart as if his own heart were a yoni! As the man begins, the breasts are touched with the most tender lovingness, massaged, as well as the sternum bone. There is a beautiful acupuncture point in the centre of the chest, anatomically level with the 4th intercoastal space (nipple line on men). This point is translated as ‘Primordial Child’ and evokes the pure innocence of the depths of the heart that can never be blemished. The man may press with some firmness and make circles on the woman’s sternum there to help open the chest energy further and access the heart. Allow the woman to breathe into as pressure is added to help spread the signal of the point throughout her body. The point should have an energetic sensation to it and the woman can help the man know where exactly it is. The breast and chest massage should be for a good 5-10mins and extended to however long is liked.
Following this initial opening, the man can trace fingers or hands from the heart down to the yoni to connect positive and negative energy poles. Now that the man is at the yoni again, he can begin the massage of this beautiful centre. The massage begins along the inner thighs, using much oil, and careful kneading to relieve tension. The Liver meridian in Chinese Medicine is one of a couple of yin meridians that flows along the inner aspect of the legs and perhaps the channel most prone to stagnation giving the taxing of modern living on the Liver’s properties of detoxification and smoothing the flow of life energy in the entire body. The Liver meridian also runs straight through the genitals so easing of it has a direct affect on opening and relaxing the genitals. This can also help in the rebalancing of the menstrual cycle in women which is often connected to Liver imbalances and something so many are dealing with.
Open communication is highly beneficial during the massage. The woman should tell her partner where areas are especially tender so he can work deeper in opening blockages. As men augment their energetic sensitivity and attune deeper to their partner’s energy fields (a process that comes with deep romantic bonding) they will be able to apprehend these places on their own. There may also be tangible physical knots in the musculature and nodules.
There is another great acupuncture point that is known for its qualities of charging sexual and vital energy and specifically in benefiting women. Sanyinjiao is the sixth point on the Spleen channel and is located a hand’s width above the inner ankle joint (or medial malleolus) right beside the tibia or shinbone. Bear in mind the hand’s width is to the person so one can use their index finger and thumb to measure their partner’s hand and fit to scale or approximate with their own hand’s width. Press in firmly and again ask your partner where energetic sensation is felt. This point may feel uncomfortable at first so deep breathing is good to help ease. This point actually stimulates all three yin meridians that move up the inner leg: spleen, liver and kidney. Thus, it’s name is translated as “three yin intersection”.
As the inner thighs are massaged to a deep point, the woman should begin to feel deliciously relaxed. The inner aspects of the leg beneath the knees can also be worked on. Following opening of the legs, her partner can begin to knead into the areas just beside her yoni, into the cleft of her pelvis. This can be an especially sensitive area but many women enjoy men using a lot of pressure here as there can be a lot of tension locked up and deep in the tissue. As the massage unfolds, the woman should feel comfortable to release as is needed. This means audible sighs, cries, sounds of any kind. There should also be an awareness that the body is the mind as well and that deep-seated trauma, painful memories and emotions can sometimes come to the surface. Have no fear if they do. This is one of the perfect contexts to release and transmute them, in the presence of not only high relaxation, but in the loving trust of a beloved. Men should be ready to break if things pop up that need to be processed away from the massage. Remember, the primary intention of the massage is not to get a woman warmed up for sex but as a healing offering for her to release deep tension. Secondarily, if coitus follows, the woman will be much more prepared to be a conduit for ecstasy. This will be healing for the man as he witnesses the softening and healing sighs of his partner. She will become more and more beautiful and tender and he will be filled with reverence and loving confidence knowing that he is helping her directly become more beautiful and powerful in her love. So much of sacred love and sex is about making these offerings of support to one another in mutual servitude. It deepens romance into deliciously divine context of devotion.
“…you must be willing to feel your heart's terrors and wounds or else you will close and protect yourself, striking back at the source of openness you most yearn to become...”
When the time is upon you to move to actual massage of the yoni, do so with utmost tenderness at the beginning, applying much oil. Touch the yoni so tenderly, as if touching and studying a most lovely flower. Let every touch bear the intention of love. Let each stroke be a prayer. Move gradually around the lips of the yoni, kneading them softly between fingers. Try to abstain from over-stimulating the clitoris or ‘yin bean’ as it will incite heated sexual energy which may draw away from the slow groove of healing. That can come later if desired. However, the clitoris can be touched and stroked softly here and there to charge the yoni.
As the massage moves into the yoni itself, take it one step at a time. Imagine that you are entering a citadel of many exterior chambers. Take time to massage inside the yoni slowly and surely, moving all around, sustaining pressure at points where needed. Integrate the thigh massage here as well, moving back and forth between yoni and the inner-thighs. A great technique that came to me is a sweeping stroke from the yoni with both hands moving away along the thighs toward the feet, spreading the blossoming energy of the yoni along the channels. The partner giving should constantly check that the woman is breathing deep into the belly. Address her if not so that she can continue to ride the growing waves of heightened pleasure. Sometimes the woman can get lost in the pleasure, which is good in itself, but we should constantly be returning to ourselves and presence.
The giver can begin to eventually work deeper into the yoni where it approaches the cervix. Bear in mind that this area can be quite sensitive and many women hold tremendous tension here due to too much hard penetrative sex which may have even scarred her yoni’s walls. Allow the woman as much time is needed to breathe and sound out if anything comes up. Another great technique is every now and then running a hand up the centre of the woman’s body to her heart and holding it over the heart to send loving intent from the palm of the hands. The palms of the hands actually contain some of the most powerful acupuncture points connected to the heart in the whole body. It is no wonder the hands are great transmitters of the healing power of love. This gesture can help calm the woman, opening her to deepening her relaxation into more robust feeling states and deepen the intimacy of love.
The giver will start to feel how open the woman has become from the openness of her yoni. She will become very wet and relaxed. She may start to feel incredible swells of energy in her body. Perhaps she will feel energy strongly circulating along her inner arms, the pathways of the heart. It will be so beautiful for both to behold this. There will be an enchanting aura in the room as the woman’s energy body becomes suffuse with loving energy that will wrap round her partner, uplifting them. Ultimately, the whole massage may be conducted for 30 minutes and even longer. Go with it. Let destinations fall away and embark on a journey toward endless heights.
“Used as rocket fuel, sex energy can lift our consciousness to the stars to experience a state of being where love exists in and for itself and has no opposite. On a soul level, this is our natural state.”
John Maxwell Taylor
Full coitus may follow suite. The yoni massage can actually be an amazing and constant prelude as it helps to open women to allow for more divine interaction of her whole body in the throes of full lovemaking. The lingam massage can be applied in almost the same fashion as the yoni massage and can then offer the receiver an opportunity to experience the wonder of giving love in such a devotional, tender and powerful way. Love on! If you have any questions or feedback don’t hesitate to email me: email@example.com.
Beloved one, may I serve and witness
The opening of your love
I devote all of my awareness
To the awakening of the temple of your heart
To the mastery of love, I am aimed
Allow me to skillfully and nimbly
Unlock the secret chambers of your shining flower
So that love may be anointed as the true power.
I bow before your holy yoni
I bow before the creatrix within you
I bow before all that you are
I am here
To support your light.
*I will be conducting a 4-week introductory course in sacred sexuality this fall at Yoga Village. Details coming soon for all interested :)